This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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