Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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