I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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