youre lurking in front of me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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