hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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