I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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