Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
