I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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