I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
