Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
