overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
