I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
