I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
