I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
