I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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