i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
