Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
