And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She told me I should be a condom model.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
