my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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