I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
