it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
