just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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