just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
