I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
