Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
