He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We need to rekindle our bromance
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
