He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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