Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
