Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
