Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
