Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
