the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
