It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
