what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
