love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
