dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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