Someone shit on the floor
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
