My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
