Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
