this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
