dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
