that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
