Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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