i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
