So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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