drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
