Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
