Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
