I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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