whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
