ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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